Be Careful What You Rant About

Today’s guest blog is courtesy of IttyBiz, one of my very favorite sites, as they are keeping it REAL. I have had a similar situation happen recently with a client I provided over 3 mos. service to, was paid for 1, and now they want me to prove – by reciting the dates we met and emailed – how long I provided service. As if they weren’t also in the meetings and on the phone calls. I won’t lie, it’s been demoralizing for me AND a good lesson and the upshot is that I am choosing to work with a different level of client, for a different fee these days. Ah, small business maturation. This is well worth your read…

Be Careful What You Rant About: A Story with 4.2 Morals

Posted: 08 Jun 2010 05:15 AM PDT

(Posted while I’m in Cuba, through the magic of the interwebs. Please feel free to talk amongst yourselves.)
To celebrate Victoria Day weekend, Jamie and I took Jack to Niagara Falls. I left my iPhone and my laptop at home and just hung out with my family for a few days.
We tried to make it one of those vacations that kids appreciate while they’re actually experiencing it, as opposed to years later. We splurged on a room with a view of the falls, with floor-to-ceiling windows so we could watch fireworks right from bed. Instead of walking down to the falls, we bought tickets to take an elevator that called itself a railway and tried to get Jack squealing “This is REALLY FUN!” on tape.
We let him get tacky toys and one of those awful light-up blinking necklaces. We stayed up late and ate ice cream. We read a bedtime story from a Thomas magazine Nana sent specially from England. And then we watched fireworks from our bed.
In the morning we bought $19 omelettes at IHOP instead of eating canteloupe like we normally do because IHOP is Jack’s favorite place on earth. We went to the butterfly conservatory. We got a carriage ride around 100 acres of botanical gardens. The horse’s name was Regent. (We could’ve taken Princess, who was faster, but Jack decided “when you go slower, you see more stuff.”)
We had three days with no child care and not a single meltdown. It was 85 degrees all weekend and nobody got a sunburn. Even the traffic was good. It was just that awesome.
Then I came home to this, from a client I’ve worked with before, sent through a series of direct messages on Twitter:

Hey Naomi, we had a phone meeting scheduled for 1 p.m. today. I know you’re super busy, but so am I, and I would have appreciated knowing if you couldn’t make it. I also know $600 probably isn’t a lot of money for you, but it is for me, so it “stings” me a bit more when you don’t show up. I hope to hear something back from you or one of your ninjas later on today.

Jesus. What the hell happened?
I don’t know, exactly, but somewhere along the line, a system broke. I thought I asked the ninjas to make sure our scheduling software marked today as a national holiday, but maybe I didn’t. Maybe they clicked X when they meant to click Y. Maybe it got changed in my personal calendar but not my work one.
Who knows? All I know is that I screwed up BIG TIME.
I called and only got voicemail, so I sent this email back:

Dear [redacted],
I am so incredibly sorry to have missed our consultation today. I had no idea we were scheduled for it. Today’s a holiday here in Canada and I SWORE that was incorporated in the scheduling software so nothing would get booked. I’ve been in Niagara Falls all weekend without a computer and it never even occured to me that something would have been scheduled there.
How can I fix it? We can reschedule ASAP, and we can either use the scheduling link or if that’s too booked, we can sort something out manually outside of the hours that are normally open for consults.
Again, please forgive me. I never meant to screw with your time like that.
Naomi

I felt horrible. Here I was, mooning around in Niagara Falls, and someone was waiting for me. Ick. The $600 comment was a little weird — I’ve worked with this person before and she liked me enough to sign up for more consulting, so I would’ve thought she’d think a little more of me than that. But whatever. She’s disappointed and angry, and hey, I’ve said some dumb stuff when I’ve been disappointed and angry.

Lawyers, Marketers, and Marines

You ever notice how there are certain professions we just love to hate? (Google “lawyer jokes” if you don’t know what I’m talking about.) Lawyers, sure. Apparently shrinks get no love, either. Used car salesmen. Marines. Telemarketers. Parking enforcement. Somehow, it is socially acceptable — even funny sometimes — to take whole groups of human beings and label them negatively and interchangeably. All lawyers are the same, after all.
Being in marketing, I get this a lot.
Usually I understand it. People have preconceptions. They’re hurting. They’re scared. I know that trusting me is a big risk, so I try to make it as non-scary as possible. We have lots of cheap products you can try before you buy the bigger stuff. We have over 400 posts of free advice, plus the free marketing courses. I give interviews and try to keep an active social media presence so that I’m accessible and accountable and reasonably transparent.
Still sometimes people want to hate me because of my job. So it goes, I guess.
After I sent the email, I went onto Twitter and found my client had tweeted this:

I’m done with social media and marketing gurus, shamans, and experts. Just done. Everyone’s a con artist and everyone’s running a scam.

Everyone. Chris Brogan? Con artist. Seth Godin? Running a scam. Gwen Bell? Havi Brooks? Jon Jantsch? Scams, scams, scams.
Even the ones you’ve worked with in the past, so successfully that you’re doing well enough that you can drop another 600 bucks on them. Scamming con artists.
I later found out from the ninjas that this woman launched a PayPal dispute within the hour. She still hasn’t resolved it, even four days after we worked it out. Pretty quick on the trigger finger to say I’m a scammer. Not so quick to take it back, I guess.
Ouch.

What do we learn from this?

I’m not angry at this woman. I’m frankly glad I didn’t spend an hour of my life talking to someone who hates marketers. What concerns me is that we are teaching our clients and raising our children to believe that what this woman did is acceptable.
Let’s take what her friends and colleagues publicly replied to her and apply them to a less Fun To Hate demographic.
Me: “I’m done with Jewish people. Just done. Everyone’s a con artist and everyone’s running a scam. ”
You: “I totally agree! They are out to make money for themselves, not you.”
Me: “I’m done with black people. Just done. Everyone’s a con artist and everyone’s running a scam. ”
You: “Hey babe. Why so blue?”
Me: “I’m done with lesbians. Just done. Everyone’s a con artist and everyone’s running a scam. ”
You: “Don’t get your pretty little panties in a bunch, my dear. Just keep on being the bright and shiny you! You rock.”
Me: “I’m done with women. Just done. Everyone’s a con artist and everyone’s running a scam. ”
You: “Sounds like a rough day – sorry to hear it ”
Nobody said “Goodness, gracious! What an incredibly prejudiced, stereotyping, bigoted thing to say!” Nope. “You rock.”
Some thoughts before I go back to doing things far more fun than writing about this:

Sweeping generalizations make you look melodramatic at best and completely out of control of your emotions at worst.
When you say “all men are pigs”, you’re the one who looks like a pig.

Your gurus, shamans and experts make mistakes.
Acknowledging this possibility with grace might not be a bad idea. Like, when a big shot doesn’t show up for your interview? Maybe it’s because he’s an arrogant jerk who let his popularity go to head. Or maybe he’s lost on the side of a highway with two carsick kids and a wife nagging that he should’ve brought a map but he’d sworn he didn’t NEED a map because they’ve got GPS but then he forgot to charge the battery.
(Jamie’s take on this: “Never attribute to malice that which can be equally explained by stupidity.”)

You can never take back the stuff you say when you’re mad. Never.
Never, ever, ever. You never could before social media and you certainly can’t now. (See how to avoid running your mouth off online for more on this.)
After I wrote this post but before I published it, this woman wrote me back and said “Thank you for apologizing. Just hearing you say that makes me feel sooo much better.” Well, I’m glad she feels better.
Maybe if SHE apologized, I’d accept that. Probably not, though. I’ve never been into the “sorry I hit you… I just got so mad cuz you were hugging that guy and I didn’t know he was your brother and I have a hard time trusting because I’ve been hurt before” line.

Most important: You are under no obligation to accept money from people who treat you badly.

This woman called me a con artist and my life’s work a scam. I’m sure as hell not going to spend hours of my life dreaming up ways to make her lots and lots of money. No, thank you.
You are not a prostitute. You are under no obligation to accept people being prejudiced or mean to you, just because you’re getting paid. (Scratch that. Prostitutes shouldn’t have to put up with it either.)
We sometimes have this belief that we have to tolerate anything a client puts out. No. You don’t. Be understanding if you want to be understanding and forgive if you want to forgive. But don’t squash down that part of yourself that says, “HELL NO I’m not going to get treated like that” because you’re afraid of losing clients.
You are worth far more than that. Please remember this.

Bonus tack-on 0.2 point moral:
Walking around assuming the whole world is just waiting to screw you over is probably not very good for your health.